Dear future son of mine,
Last night was one of my favorite nights of my pregnancy. You’re finally getting big enough to kick someone’s hand off of my stomach! You were moving all around and I could feel every little movement inside of me. I told Taylor about how much you were moving and he came over to put his hand on my stomach and feel your movements too. After a few minutes of squirming around, Taylor moved his head towards you and whispered that he loved you. You kicked right where his hand was and, for us, it was like you knew your Dad was there and loved you.
We’ve been getting more and more excited every day. We’ve also been getting more serious about what kind of parents we want to be. Little do you know that even before you’re here in our arms, you are in our daily thoughts, prayers, and hearts.
As I’ve been planning what colors I want your nursery to be, what kinds of outfits I want you to wear, and so on, it’s made me think of what I want you to remember the most from your childhood. Do I want you to remember your room with deer, painted trees, and toys all over? Or do I want you to remember the picture of Jesus Christ in your room and reading the Book of Mormon together at night?
Now, it’s not that those two can’t happen at simultaneously, but I almost feel that I’ve been focusing too much on the toys and deer printed clothing. It reminds me of preparing for my mission. I bought all the right things, had all the right gear, had been to church all my life, but did not focus on the kind of preparation I should have. I wasn’t prepared to BE a MISSIONARY. I was prepared to dress like one, walk like one, and hold books like one, but not be a messenger for Christ that had forsaken all my sins and doubts.
So, what did this teach about preparation? It’s not about the clothes, shoes, a good suitcase, or nice pack-and-play. It’s about the kind of mother I want to be and the things I want to teach you. I’m going to prepare to be someone better than I am this time.
My mission taught me how to guide my life. Here’s a diagram of one of the most valuable things I learned from that year and a half.
If you want to change your nature, change your heart, or change into something better than you are, then you begin with a vision.
Your vision is your overall purpose or desire for your future. For example: to be the best mom I can be. Personally, that is a vision that I have. But how do I do that? That’s where the goals come in. Goals are more general and begin with things that will help you accomplish your vision. In order to be the best mom I can be, I should teach my children the keys to success, happiness, and the best life they can have. The last step is to make a way that you can count/be accountable for these goals. How will you keep track of teaching children the key to success? Well, your plan is to do that by reading the Book of Mormon for 20 minutes every night before bed. That’s specific, I can be accountable to it, and it moves me forward. See how this works?
So first, here’s what my vision is for the future: I want you to know from your very first breath that you were born into a family that values God above anything else. I want to teach you to have faith in Jesus Christ and for His teachings to guide your life. I want you to leave our home someday knowing that Jesus Christ lived and died for you and that you are valued and cherished.
My goals are to read the Book of Mormon daily with you. Teach you, really teach you, about God and Jesus Christ. Be an example of a Christ-like person to you. Pray every night together. Help you to know who you are and your infinite worth.
My plans are to always believe in you and put my trust in you. You can read the Book of Mormon even as a young child and understand it. For example, you can help remind us to pray. I also plan to be diligent in my goals, every day I will make an effort to be the kind of mother I have always wanted to be. We’ll learn the children’s songs together, try new things, and have fun. I’ll tell you every day of your life that I love you.
Now that I’ve got my vision, goals, and plans down for Motherhood, I’ve still got one more place to improve on. Motherhood is my relationship with you, but what about my relationship with Taylor, Heavenly Father, or myself? I will also need to remember that part of motherhood is filling up my pitcher so that I can fill your cup. These four things will help me to fill up my cup so I can always shower you with the love and attention you deserve.
- Physical (being more diligent in exercise)
- Spiritual (being a better daughter of God)
- Marriage (being a better wife)
- Academic (finishing school, and to continue learning as much as I can)
I can’t wait to see you, and hold you, and see your eyes. This is just my letter to you today promising you that you’ll have a childhood that’s more meaningful than all your toy trucks and trains. We’ll play together all the time, but we will also become something great one day at a time.